Perfectionism is a common trait that can manifest in many areas of life, such as work, school, and relationships. While striving for excellence can be a positive trait, perfectionism can be harmful when it becomes all-consuming.
What does Perfectionism look like
Perfectionism can go undetected. Over time it usually shows up in a few common ways:
- an excessive need for getting something 100%
- an inability to accept anything that is good enough
- having to know all the answers before starting or joining in
- impossibly high standards for themselves and others
- a need to control so that other cannot affect what you have done
Where these needs are not met (almost always) feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and even depression can quickly follow.
Are there red flags to watch out for?
Perfectionists often give themselves away. For example, they often experience:
- procrastination
- difficulty completing tasks
- struggle with decision making
- difficulty accepting compliments
- difficulty accepting criticism
Feedback, so important for growth is another problem area as it gets perceived as criticism and can clash or does not align with their own self-perception.
The Ripple Effect of Perfectionism
It is obvious how perfectionism can impact on the individual. It is also clear how it might apply in a practical sense say at work or in a learning environment.
Perfectionism can also affect relationships, as perfectionists often have high expectations of others and may be critical or demanding when these expectations are not met, despite sometimes those expectations not being clearly communicated. This can lead to feelings of resentment and distance in relationships.
I thought perfectionism was a strength?
There is an important difference between healthy striving and unhealthy perfectionism. Achieving balance is key. Setting high standards for while also being kind and compassionate, and not falling into the trap of self-criticism is ok.
What can I do?
It is important to learn to let go of the need for perfection and to accept that mistakes are a natural part of the learning and growing process
In summary, perhaps try to be compassionate and understand that striving (and learning) is better for you that arriving (relentless pursuit of perfection at the expense of yourself and others.